it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
