she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
