plz talk dirty to me
where does the pee come out of this thing
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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