At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
