i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
