She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
