im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
