I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Randomize
