It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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