We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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