made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
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