I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
