you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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