I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
