I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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