whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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