I got her a Nickelback box set.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
