Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
