so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
