Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
