Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
