He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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