dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
