I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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