A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
