peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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