Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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