At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I can tuck mytits in my pants
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
