Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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