this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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