you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
