i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
