So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
