yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
