at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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