I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Everything about him screamed your future.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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