Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
