i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize