I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
