Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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