Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
