i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
