Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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