Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
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