how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
