i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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