i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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