We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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