It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
