so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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