I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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