It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
