If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
