It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
