I can text with my tongue
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
