dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
