conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize