Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
