she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
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