fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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