the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
