I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
