So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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