As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
