My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize