You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize