she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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