Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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