I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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