I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
