please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
